The world feels so opened up right now, almost too opened up. It’s the type of open that can leave you feeling breathless. When we step into a moment of our lives or even a physical location where there is just so much space, something precarious begins to happen. All of our stuff begins to rise to the surface.
I remember my first trip to India. I was sitting on a beautiful beach overlooking the Arabian Sea, the sunset was beginning to show its colors. I was surrounded by like-minded travelers with no real agenda other than to see and be. I remember the lapping of the waves against the shore, and I also remember being in a deep, gut wrenching state of panic! I had never gotten an anxiety attack before, but I was pretty sure this is what was happening.
What is it about so much open space that can scare the bajeezuz out of us? Our minds fight to hold on, but the universe is asking us to let go. I remember seeing my name, the studios that I taught at, the street signs of Williamsburg, Brooklyn where I walked every day, my apartment and all these little details that, at that time in my life, made up my identity.
What was being asked, I believe, was to release that identification (ego) and merge with something deeper than a work title or label.
I began to pray. I was at the feet of the mother ( mother India and the eternal mother) asking for help, to shed all of my layers of resistance, to understand what I couldn’t articulate but could only feel racing through my blood and breath. I prayed for death, to become a star and return to the sky. It was madness inside while nature outside was soothing, peaceful and present.
I finally let go. But not after battling what felt like the fight of a lifetime within my own being. I finally allowed myself to fully accept and embrace where I was in that moment. What followed were waves of self-love, divine feminine empowerment and total acceptance of my journey. It was the best and most terrifying moment of my life and the stepping stone for so much more that would follow.
I invite you to step into the wide-open space of the unknown. Give yourself an hour or two in nature or in silence. Watch what the mind wants to cling to or invent. Clear out all the stuff. Fill your whole body with breath. Leave no stone unturned and take all the time you need to find yourself in a fearless state of self-love and adoration.
As many of our friends and families are facing the unknown in times of incredibly fierce circumstances, I would like to send my love and prayers to those affected and impacted by Mother Nature and the nature of the world.
May we all be in peace, protected and loved.
Feel free to share your own experience of open space and transformation in the comments below.
In Goa, 2011